By Gordon Livingston
In Dr. Gordon Livingston’s follow-up to his nationwide bestseller Too quickly previous, Too past due shrewdpermanent, he bargains thirty truer issues we have to comprehend now. one of the clean truths he identifies and explores during this ebook, which has bought greater than 50,000 copies in hardcover, are: Paradox governs our lives. Forgiveness is a present we supply ourselves. Marriage ruins loads of sturdy relationships. we're outlined by means of what we worry. all of us stay downstream. one among life’s such a lot tough initiatives is to work out ourselves as others see us. As we become old, the sweetness steals inward. most folk die with their track nonetheless inside them. Dr. Livingston’s sterling traits are in proof back: a transparent and deep figuring out of the hidden hypocrisies, wants, evasions, and emotional tumult that path via our lives; an unerring feel of what's very important; and his personal skill to persevereto hopein an international he is familiar with is in a position to causing unjustifiable and lifetime pain.
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Additional resources for And Never Stop Dancing: Thirty More True Things You Need to Know Now
And when I ask what they fought about, it’s always the same: children, money, sex, in-laws, all the things that consume a marriage when partners don’t love each other anymore. A failing marriage is like a bad meal: too little of what we want, too much of what we hate. Then comes the bitter divorce, in which surrogates are hired to fight a legal battle that no one wins. Finally, the former lovers are divorced and are ready to start again the uncertain adventure of looking for a soul mate. The fact that not much is learned in this whole painful process is clear from the fact that second marriages have a higher failure rate than first marriages.
Passivity is the enemy of progress in therapy. The conventional medical model in which the doctor gives instructions and medications to patients does not, by itself, work when someone is trying to change his or her life. The process of figuring out what is wrong with our conceptions of how the world works (as opposed to how we would like it to work) and correcting them is, like most educational exercises, time-consuming. It is also frequently uncomfortable as we begin to slowly confront the events and influences that have made us who we are and realize the power of the inertia and habit that stand between us and the people we want to be.
If we choose a partner with ample reserves of kindness and a willingness to place us at the center of his or her life, and if we have sufficiently cultivated those virtues in ourselves, we can refute the “hard work” school of marriage, put down our picks and shovels, and partake of the endless pleasures of renewable love. 24. qxd 7/10/08 9:34 AM Page 25 5. It is easier to be angry than sad. t is a standard assumption of pop psychology that the open expression of anger in all areas of our lives, but especially in therapy, is to be encouraged.